Date: 24/07/2023
Mood: Clean skin mentality
A little bit about my mental journey
TW: sensitive topic
I was always the quiet kid the others would mess with, I was scared that my parents would choose another daughter and abandon me. Loneliness and self-hatred had plagued me since I was a pre-teen. I am a self-harm survivor and attempted to take my life more than once. Sometimes I wished I could just disappear without causing any harm, on other occasions, I wanted to go and make a storm out of it.
I had a really long toxic relationship where I was cheated on, suffered domestic violence, and became emotionally attached to an aggressor. I pushed people away because I thought I wasn’t good enough, I lied, wasted money, and was willing to steal things on that person's behalf.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and oh, I wish I knew it was a thing sooner or maybe that my parents had a clue about it. It doesn’t solve problems but makes it easier for me to understand, after all, humans need to understand what is going on, like it or not.
At some point in my life, I developed an eating disorder and spent my days in a cycle of binging and restricting and it really messed up my self-image and my relationship with food.
Nowadays I take my pills and go to therapy, and It’s going great! Sometimes I wish I could hold my old self and say “You actually lived past 18 and now you have more understanding about who you are”.
Please, I know It’s cliche and lame to repeat the same ‘ol, but don’t kill yourself, and don’t hurt yourself by taking away your right to be happy. You deserve it.